


It's Not A Black Ops Team

by dinolaur



Series: These Are Earth's Mightiest Heroes? [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-10
Updated: 2012-11-10
Packaged: 2017-11-18 08:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/558809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinolaur/pseuds/dinolaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the team is totally stealth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not A Black Ops Team

Every once and a while, the team is sent on a recon mission. And really? _Really?_ Iron Man, Thor and the Hulk are about the opposite of the definition of stealth. And Cap tries, but he’s also wearing a bright red, white, and blue uniform.

So when Fury informs them that they’re all going on recon, Clint and Natasha just look at each other and wonder if this is punishment for getting too drunk at that last military meet and greet or for the pancakes incident.

They split off into pairs—Cap and Iron Man, Thor and Natasha, and Clint with the Hulk—and take their positions. They’re supposed to maintain radio silence until there’s something that needs to be said. Stark takes that to mean it’s okay for him to announce how bored he is two minutes later. Then the radio is filled with him and Cap bickering.

And when Clint says bickering, he means they’re starting up their foreplay. Jesus, those two.

Clint is actually surprised it takes Natasha as long as she does to snap, “No names,” when Stark lets out a whining complaint of “Steeeeeve.”

“Fine, fine,” Stark amends. “Caaaaaap.”

“I said no names,” Natasha hisses.

“If we are not to even speak our codenames, as you call them, then how are we to properly communicate our specific instructions to each other when it comes time to engage our enemy,” Thor booms, and Stark hisses something about volume.

“Remember when missions were undertaken by competent people,” Clint sighs.

“I miss Budapest,” Natasha answers.

“You are sick and twisted,” Clint responds.

“Come on, people,” Cap chimes in. “Bla—she’s right. We shouldn’t be throwing names around in the event that someone tunes into our frequency.”

“No one’s going to hack my frequency,” Stark boasts.

“It’s a frequency, man,” Clint says. “It’s kind of up for grabs.”

Behind him, the Hulk snorts. “You people are bad spies,” he says.

“Says the giant man with neon green skin and purple pants,” Stark quips. “Seriously. Why purple pants? I thought I took you shopping.”

“That’s a pretty good point there, Green Bean,” Clint says.

“You’re wearing purple too, Clint,” Cap comments.

“I will stab all of you in the neck,” Natasha threatens. Natasha’s threats are basically the highest form of promises, so they all fall silent.

It lasts a full minute before Stark starts assigning them new codenames. He says something about lattice because of apple pie because of America, and Cap comments that you generally don’t use a lattice crust on an apple pie, and Stark kind of loses it. Thor then takes up the reins and goes on about various Asgardian sounding names he would give them.

Clint can hear Natasha grinding her teeth when the Hulk says, “Hulk would be Agent Green, because I’m a jolly giant.” Stark sounds like he can’t breathe anymore he’s laughing so hard. The Hulk then turns to Clint. “I’d call you Agent Shortcake.” The smirk he flashes is about the size of Clint’s forearm. “Guess why.”

They sort of figured it would be the Hulk that got them caught. They just thought it would be because he flew off the handle, not because he made Stark laugh so hard that every alarm system in the entire complex was triggered. 


End file.
